It is Only Just a Dream

October 10, 2012

for creative writing purposes

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I never expected the surprise visit of my college friends today. I wasn't prepared especially when I saw him with them. Him? Oh no?! Oh yes! Ha! I didn't see him for months and I missed him so much. I was kinda hoping to spend time with him today. My brother's room was the only room clean enough for them to stay. Our furniture were scattered all around the sala because it was getting some remodeling and fixing. So now they were already having fun inside my brother's room. It was just weird because I wasn't really close with them. I mean, where were my batchmates? They were 1 year ahead of me. Anyway, when you are in a dream, you can't control who you meet, where you meet and why you meet them. Yes, apparently, I was in a dream.

They had fun without me. They were all chatting inside the room without even calling for my presence. What the?! I can't understand why were they even here. A friend inside the room sent me a text message saying that they were talking about something confidential and I should not hear it. This was insane. I played the piano instead but I can't play properly as I saw him with them having fun. I was glad at least he was here. I kept on playing the piano and after several unfinished pieces, they closed the door. Wow. So what now? I waited for them. I stayed in my room until the sky got dark. At last, they opened the door and let me come inside. We chatted for a while and not more than an hour later, they were prepared to go. They all left except him who was still in the room.

"Hey, aren't you going home with them?" Confused and giddy at the same time, I asked.

"Ahmm, I need to talk to you." He said poker-faced while changing his clothes. Why the hell was he changing his clothes? And now he was wearing a see-through shirt. What was his problem?

"Okay then. What about?" I walked to my room and was more surprised to see him following me. I opened my cabinet randomly just to distract myself. I was in love with him and I was still in love with him until this moment. He sat on my bed, his face still straight.

"You should stop it." He started.

"Stop what?" So now I was more confused.

"Stop liking me. Stop loving me. Whatever it is that you feel towards me." He was serious. His words slapped me on my face. I knew he can't reciprocate my feelings but I didn't care. I wasn't asking for anything and besides, even though I loved him, he was still my friend. I had come to accept that so now I can't understand why he was telling me this. No words came out of my mouth. I was thinking of telling him about him, my current boyfriend, but what will I say? Hey I have a boyfriend and you don't have to worry about my feelings for you. I have it in control and I'm moving on. Naaah. So lame. Telling him about him will just show how desperate I was to divert this feelings that was obviously for him only. Keeping my mouth shut will be the best decision for now. I wasn't yet over him. So without hesitation, I went outside with him following me and after minutes that seemed like forever for me to absorb, he bid me goodbye with his see-through shirt. I had no idea where he got that and why he was wearing that. WTF.

So this was what I was pondering about. He asked me to stop loving him. That wasn't his exact words but that was the implication. 

"Ihinto mo na yang nararamdaman mo sa akin."

He was my friend but I can't deny that I was still madly in love. Maybe he was saying that I can't be JUST friends with him when I still have this feelings. But no, I can't lose him. Not now. Not ever.