There are times when you want to hate life or to hate yourself in
particular but you just can't. Why? Because there are more reasons to be
happy than to indulge yourself in unpleasant thoughts and upsetting
episodes in life . Your friends ask you what happened because they feel
something's not going right with you and you just tell them that yes,
you're not feeling good and you just can't think of the right words to
explain what's bothering you inside because even you don't want to face
and talk about it. The worst thing is even the person you trust the most
can't understand you the way you want to be understood. So what? You
sit down and shut your mouth. Then again someone will ask what the hell
is wrong with you and you'd agree to me that hearing that question again
and again will make things worse. So yeah, you pretend to be fine to
avoid being asked what's wrong with you?
Even the most loyal one can fall into something he/she promised he/she'd never do...
Overwhelmed
with guilt and regrets, I hate myself for being someone I swore not to
be. But being in that situation I understand how people can do the same
and maybe, they also experienced what I felt or rather what I felt to be
someone I disliked. Whatever I say, I can't justify what I did yet I
opened my eyes to see the true reason behind such act. Well, only in my
case... What I have is not legitimate.
I miss being
committed to someone. I miss those mornings when I wake up and think of
the person who completes my day. I miss the feeling of having someone
behind my back to catch me when I don't have the strength to move on with
my life. I miss having someone to care for, someone to be with during
the best and worst times of the day, someone I truly love. Like him.
I miss him.
But I don't want to miss loving him.
Because I hate to feel the pain again...
The pain of loving him too much.
Though I try, I can't deny.
He's still a part of me that I just can't take away.
