The feels... that I just couldn't tell you.

Okay. I'm trying to fit in your world where I feel I don't belong. I hope you could see that because it's indeed a big adjustment for me. It is just not my thing, not my interest but I see how committed you are with that thing and it attracts me more. I know I don't have to help 'coz you certainly don't need mine. Magaling ka eh. Alam mo yan. And the people around you, they are more capable of assisting you. But me? What can I do? 

The point is, I don't want to disappoint you. Hmm, no. Honestly, I'm trying to be a part... I want to be a part of something that is worth your time and makes you happy. Without it, I don't know where to go and where to place myself in your hectic schedule. 

Pathetic.

I hate myself for feeling this.

This should not be the way to spend my last semester.


. 

Dreaming of walking away... from you

June 13, 2013

One day, someday, you wouldn't have to appear 
in my dreams late at night

But I have to say, 
having you in it is one of the best dreams I've had

You held my hand

Told me you love me,

Though I know it wasn't true

In reality...

So I had to hold back what you expect me to say

Because I can't say it

I don't feel the same way

Not entirely

You got a bit disappointed

I walked away

I wish I were in a dream every time I see you

So I would have the courage to walk away when things go wrong

Not the way it should be

And I wouldn't have to worry about what you'd think

And most especially,

I wouldn't have no regrets of losing you

That I just have to walk away

With no goodbyes

Tongue Tied

June 6, 2012

The moment you left, I knew I had something to say that I can never tell you...
At least not in person.

We're not as close as I thought we were
Things get different when they're around
Awkward.
I'm always hesitant to approach you but still, I do
I try to take up with you
Because I don't want to waste any minute 
But they're watching,
And strangely enough, talking to you appears wrong since I don't belong
I don't know where to stand
Your friends are mere acquaintances to me
And yes, I noticed it doesn't seem right for them
To see us together; chatting, laughing like normal friends
It doesn't feel right
What more if you've finally made up your mind,
Realized where you should be, where you would be happy
And what if I'm not a part of it?
Maybe I should start letting you go
As a friend, I don't know
Because I'm not sure what I mean to you
Maybe I am just right
We're not as close as I thought we were
I feel out of place when they're around
Maybe I'm just a fucking nobody, trying to reach out
Calling you, texting you constantly
And maybe you're just being nice to reply
I'm pretty sure that if I stopped,
You wouldn't even bother
But see, I'm not stopping
You know why?
Because I'm afraid,
Afraid to prove myself right

I might be feeling something more than I can admit - you never can tell.