The Visitor

It was 2:00 in the afternoon. I was washing my clothes when an old friend of mine sent me a text message saying that he would visit me today. Without any hesitation, I hurried my clothes, cleaned our house a bit and of course, myself. It was such a long time since we met but it seemed that we're still the same even if there are so many things and events that already happened at the time we weren't even communicating. It felt good to have him around again though I know it wouldn't last long.

He's a good friend but he just comes around once in a while.

If I could turn back time, this would not be the scene.

Idiocy

Everything was a lie. 
You'll never know what a lie is until you find the truth. 

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I promised myself not to fall for you again

But every time I see you, I just can't resist

That charming smile and perfect eyes no one has

Except you who never fail to capture my heart

Just nights ago I was talking with a friend

About our so-called love story or so I thought

That moment I confirmed to myself you still have

A certain part of me no one can replace

They witnessed me picking pebbles on the ground

Counting the days when I struggled to let go

Of all the memories circling through my mind

The only thing left for me to cherish alone

Everyday I remind myself you are not mine

And I never had you that was for sure

Maybe we did have some moments together

But I know your heart belongs to another

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You really can't study properly when your eyes are drowning in its own tears. A heart that hates is a heart that hurts.

When I cry, it just means that this hate is too overwhelming. My emotion is too strong. There are bad things that I really really want to do yet there's still Someone up there who helps me calm down. I just cry and cry and cry. The pain is too deep. I've been hiding this for so long.

I tried to call a friend who is very special to me. She didn't answer my call or maybe, she wasn't able to. Good thing. This will make me stronger, having just myself to face this.

I'm extremely mad. I'm terribly hurt.

Love Rant

Katatapos ko lang ng report ko nang biglang sumagi sa utak ko na 'single ako'

Nakakatawa. Hindi ko alam bigla lang pinaalala sa akin ng kantang Tattooed On My Mind. 

Ikaw lang naman ang naisip ko nang pinatugtog ko ulit iyon.

My alltime favorite song for you.

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the dangerous kind
And your face is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams

Yes I know you're tattooed
On my mind you're tattooed 

Minsan naiisip ko, ganyan ba kataas ang standards mo? Bakit hindi mo ako magustuhan? Ewan. O baka naga-assume lang ako. Ewan. Ang labo. Siguro ganun talaga. Hindi mo makukuha lahat ng gusto mo. Pero baka hindi pa rin kasi talaga oras. Baka kailangan ko lang talagang magtiyaga pa at maghintay. Pero paano yung ibang taong nakilala ko na, baka 'siya' na pala si Mr. Right pero pinakawalan ko pa dahil masyado akong nabulag sa'yo? Ewan. Basta ang alam ko, you are worth the wait. Hindi ko lang alam kung may worth ba ako sa'yo.

Gustong gusto kong sabihin sa'yo lahat ng nadarama ko pero para saan pa? Baka masaktan lang ako sa huli. Pero alam ko na mas masasaktan ako pag nalaman kong sa huli, sa kabila ng paghihintay, hindi pala ako ang para sa'yo. Pero bahala na Siya. I'll just wait. For now, kahit na may mga ibang taong 'pwede', hindi ko pa rin maalis sa isip ko na sana, sana ikaw na lang siya. Ayoko namang makipaglokohan lang sa kanila. Ang unfair naman nun. Kaya heto. I'm single. Minsan talaga nakakabagot. Nakakalungkot. Pero wala eh. This is not my time to be with someone because I'm not yet ready. Yes. I'm not yet ready to love unless it's you. Ikaw lang ang gusto kong mahalin sa ngayon. Oo, matagal na. Bakit hindi ka mawala sa isip ko? Bakit ba ikaw? 

Nasasaktan ako. Bakit hindi mo makita sa akin yung mga nakikita ng iba? At bakit may nakita ako sa'yo na hindi ko makita sa iba?