I heard my office mate crying and I actually saw that she was really crying. Her red, puffy eyes made it more obvious. I wanted so bad to ask her if she's fine but I was so shy. But I swear, giving her something like a cup of water or offering her a tissue roll crossed my mind and bothered me twice or thrice. But. I. Was. Shy. How could I be so timid about doing something good to others?

It felt bad. Really. I could see the misery through her eyes and from her silent sobs. It was heartfelt. But considering that what I'm feeling right now is more than enough to overwhelm me, I could not sympathize with her. She is just strong and bold to face whatever it is that pains her and I am not.

It might be an emotional tug-of-war that I feel for you. I like you but no, I should not like you.

I get over sensitive when it comes to you, especially when you tease me. It's different from everyone else. I can't understand why. Maybe because I'm too conscious of what you think of me, too conscious that I might say and do something wrong that might turn you off. I'm not sure. I'm not trying to please you. Maybe, I do. But no, I just do the wrong things. I can't control it. There's just something about your words, something about your actions that is so hard for me to read. Why are you so reserved? It's like you're hiding something and it frustrates me. 

It's vague. Whatever this is that I'm feeling for you, it's vague. 

*sigh*

"Can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if I have to..."

May 1, 2013

I notice every little thing you do
I hear you whisper
I hear you mutter,
And because I don't understand a bit of it,
I love it when I try so hard to make you say it again
And then I hear you giggle
That voice, that laugh, they stick in my mind

I listen to every word you say,
to every note you try to hit,
to every song you faintly sing,
when you think no one's listening
But when you're around,
I just do the wrong things
And say the wrong words

I'm not really sure why I'm doing this
All I know is that I want to be a part of it
A part of something that makes you smile
Something that is important to you
Something worth your while
Because without it, I don't know
Maybe I don't matter anymore

I climbed my own wall
And fell on the other side
I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said
It's just that I refuse to admit what I truly feel
And I'd try to hide it every time
Every time you see me smile
Every time you make me blush

I'm sorry I don't know what to do
I can't take it any longer
Just don't get any closer
Even though I want you around
I just don't think it's right enough
It's not right enough to want you so bad
And I hate myself for wanting you so bad

I convince myself not to fall
But you're too damn irresistible
I know this is insane
But please, don't change
I don't know how to do this
But just stay where you are
And don't you ever go away

Don't you ever go away...