"Our life is an ocean. In a simple glimpse, it seems to be shallow, senseless, and monotonous, but in the depth thereof is an astonishing spectacle, an overwhelming creation only seen by those who believe and especially by those who risk to swim under that remarkably profound ocean." - 09/11/09 Elein
"i like your body the way it is. you're hot." as usual, he'd tell her over and over again as if that would get him down her pants.
"is that the only thing you like and want from me? my body?" she asked nonchalantly. she was used to it, to guys who look at her like she was nothing but a piece of meat.
"of course not. i like you as you are. im just really attracted to you physically. don't you know that you have the power to evoke desires? to turn me on?" damn. she didn't like this topic. it made her squeamish especially after hearing it from a guy she never liked, a guy that wasn't even worthy of her admiration.
"oh really? okay." she tried to stop the conversation.
"yes. why? aren't you even flattered?" obviously, her attempt didn't work.
"uhm.. actually, it's awkward to know that a guy feels that towards me."
"why? don't you ever feel that towards anybody?" whoa. and now, he was curious about what turns her on.
"of course i do." she replied hastily.
"good. at least you're not a hypocrite. so, do you do it alone?" it was getting queasier.
"no. i don't." she asserted.
"really? that's not possible. you should know how great the feeling is. sometimes you should release that sexual tension" maybe he was thinking that this topic could turn her on but hell no, a guy like him can't even make her go giddy.
"well, i know a feeling that is far greater than it. besides, when i feel like it, i release it through God. i jst pray and He will take the tension away." she smiled confidently.
"oh? well, i would love to turn you on and make you feel the greatest desire you could ever get." confidence was what made it seductive but it wasn't that simple and easy to seduce and attract her unless he was the guy of her dreams.
"so what are you trying to tell me?" she chose not to retort and pretended she didn't get what he meant instead. he didn't reply.
she got it. that some guys wanted to try her, to touch her, to taste her. but she was sorry for them. for him in particular because whatever he does, he can never have what he desires from her. she is better than a piece of meat and she deserves a man who would not treat her like that, a man who would live in God's holiness and purity and a man that would never steal something that she preserves for the one and only guy who has the key to evoke that greatest desire given by God to those who love eternally.
for the first time, she didn't feel bad being treated like that by some lunatic maniac because she carries conviction - God is with her every step of the way. no one could turn her down. she's special. she's the King's daughter.
after my informal interview, i stayed at the building's garage as i watched TV patrol waiting for my friend being interviewed inside. i made myself a cup of coffee again that was my third. my head was throbbing in pain. i was so hungry too. bored as i was, a man sitting beside me talked. he asked me several questions about my educational background and it surprised me when he asked,
"you have a boyfriend, don't you?" he smiled at me.
"i don't have." i laughed.
"seriously? you're kidding, right?" obviously, he didn't believe.
"why do i need to lie about it? im not kidding. i dont have one." i grinned.
"really? but college students at this time need an inspiration. you need one. you need it."
"no. i dont need a boyfriend. not now" i asserted.
it bugged me. do i need a boyfriend to inspire me? seriously? it's ridiculous. well, someday i will need a guy in my life to be with me, to inspire me, to love me, to care for me, to be my better half, to praise and worship our God who is the reason of our whole existence, to be the man whom i will share my heart with... just the guy that will make my heart skip a beat because he will be the reason of my heart disease as he will be the only one to cure it too. i know someday i will be with him but not now. i dont need him now because im already inspired and my inspiration is more than enough because He is God. my great God. He inspires me every step of the way. He's my best friend, my God, my father, my deliverer, my healer, my everything. rest assured that He's there with me always and forever. He will guide me and help me as i mend my broken soul, my broken heart then someday when im whole and ready to love again, He will give me the guy whom He preserves for me only. the guy who is worth the wait.
"hey, are you alright?" Cassie nudged her best friend who was staring blankly outside the window.
"huh?" Samantha moved her gaze over her shoulder and saw her confused best friend looking at her intently.
"i said are you alright? you've been acting weird since i got here. what happened?" Cassie already knew something happened but she waited for Sam to tell it to her instead.
"i met him. we talked for a while. he bid me goodbye. i went home. end of the story." Sam stood from where she sat for almost an hour staring blankly at the trees as they danced with the movement of the air and with the sound of the birds chirping.
"okay. it's no big deal." Cassie stopped herself before saying anything that would trigger unnecessary feelings to her disturbed best friend. she didn't want to pester her by asking the details of the recent encounter with her not-so-special someone. Sam looked mildly surprised for Cassie's affectless reply but was pleased nonetheless. she didn't want to talk about it either.
it was weird. Sam knew that it was over. it has been almost 5 months since their breakup but there was still something inside her that wanted to mend what has been broken. she sighed heavily and looked for something to do that could distract her from such irrational thoughts.
it was over. he loves somebody else. we're done. he's happy. i am too.
but was she truly happy? was it really over? for him, it was. but for her?
for how many times, she did convince herself that she's better off without him. she severed their contacts. she stopped seeing him. she didn't even check his accounts to avoid hearing news about him and his new girlfriend. like what others say, ignorance is truly bliss. she jst can't keep herself updated of what was happening between them. jst looking at a picture of the guy she once had with his new girl was suicide and she can bear it no more. it was sheer torture. she lost her life's vigor when he left her and she can't afford to lose it twice so she started living a new life completely without him, pretending that he didn't exist. it was difficult at first after living their world together for almost 2 years but with pure determination and fear of suffering more pain, she finally had kept her life moving forward until they unexpectedly met again.
he seemed happy. he looked awesome as usual. with his glinting smile and piercing eyes, it wouldn't be completely out of question to spread some of his charms that could melt her instantly with just one glance. at that second, an impelling realization had come to her mind. she missed him so much. then suddenly she remembered a story she read a while ago,
((A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:
"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."
The little girl said:
"No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.
"If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...))
will she still hold his hand? what will happen though if she did?
you hurt me enough. i suffered enough but maybe it won't hurt a bit to say for the last time that i love you. i always do. i don't care if you love somebody else because it will pain me more not to let you know before i bid my last goodbye.
Sam imagined saying it personally in front of him. she was standing right up against him, her face inches from his, their hearts pounding, their eyes bore into each other's, unflinching and filled with emotions. they stayed that way for a few moments, but for all she knew, she would have imagined it for eternity if that was the only way to bring him back.
"are you alright?" he looked at her eyes intently.
"of course i am. im fine. dont worry." she tried to avoid his gaze but such eyes were insistent.
"how could i not worry? i always care." he sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her. slowly she relaxed against him.
"i know you do." she twisted to look over her shoulder. he held her face and moved closer.
"you just know it but you cant feel it. thats what pains me. what should i do to make you love me? do i need to tell it every single day that i love.." she resisted as he tried to draw her to him.
"no, you dont need to. i feel it. seriously." she sighed and held his gaze for a long time. she believed what he said.
"then why are you pushing me away? i promise i can be the guy that you want. i can be everything that you wish for. i can love you with my whole heart. i can take care of you. i can.." he grabbed her face and kissed her. she pushed him away and shot a look at him.
"go on. love me as much as you can but i cant love you back. i just cant and i wont."
"oh. so you're seeing someone right now?" he shrugged, taking that in and trying to ignore the piercing pain from what she just said.
"no. im not seeing or dating anyone."
he breathed a sigh of relief, "then what's stopping you from liking me? am i not lovable? im doing everything i can to be perfect for you. i wanna be the man for you. i will give you everything. believe me." he went down on his knees with a teary eye.
"miko, listen to me. you're a good man. you're attractive. you're smart and responsible enough to handle a relationship but im not the girl you're looking for." she made the smallest of sounds but it was filled with such sincerity.
"how could you possibly say that?" he frowned but that was the time for patience so he controlled himself from impulsive acts then he continued, "well i guess you're not yet ready. id wait.." but before he could finish his words, she interrupted.
"no, miko. you cant understand. how could you wait for someone who doesnt even know where to start?"
"but you've moved on already, right? we can start a new life together. id help you mend what has been broken"
"im not broken and ive moved on already." she stood, ready to walk away.
he grasped her arm and turned her to face him. "i wont give up on you."
she smiled and sighed, "thank you, miko, but i just cant accept what you can offer because i cant give them back. look, how could i love again if i already gave my heart away?"
"The Bible is the answer for everything. It's a mystery that is revealed to those who believe."
read Matt. 5:1-11.. It is exclusive for us, Christians, to be an example for others who don't believe. Everything has been given by God. We just have to entrust our worries, problems, fears and the like to God and dwell on His word. If we're mindful of His word, we will win the battle. So why worry? We worry because we're powerless and clueless of what might happen.
Matt. 6:25-34
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.33 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.34
Don't worry about our life because God gave it. He made us. We have to live happy and joyful. Worrying has a devastating effect and it could harm our body. Instead, let us grow in the grace and the knowledge of the Bible. God is with us. If we worry, there are only two ways: 1. to our problem/worries and 2. to God. If only we focus on things above, then we have nothing to worry about. However, the sin in us is strong enough because we are unconscious of satan's schemes but did you know that satan is already defeated? If satan's already defeated, then what could he do to us? Are we battling against him? No, we are not battling against satan but we are battling against our own selves. We tend to forget that we are God's children and for that, we are more than conquerors so don't let satan pull us down in his subtle ways. We have to stand firm. The Lord will provide. It's just a matter of time so we have to wait patiently and rejoice in the Lord always no matter what situation we are in. When we feel worried, PRAY and when we pray, be specific and direct to the point. Speak the truth without reservations. We don't have to be eloquent in our prayers. God looks at the heart and the intent of man. Also, if we ask something from God, avoid making promises like "Lord, if I pass this bar exam, I will give myself to you wholeheartedly." and the like, because God can't be mocked. Saying such promises to God means testing His sovereignty over us. Always remember that He knows BEST. The Bible says in Jeremiah 33:3 3 ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Just say what we want and believe that God will provide but of course, we must seek Him first and His righteousness then all these things shall be added unto us.
5 Things that we do when we worry:
1. We disbelieve the providential care of God.
2. We question the integrity of God.
3. We dump God's promises.
4. We believe the lies rather than the truth.
5. We exalt the devil than God.
Satan is happy when we worry because worrying is one of his ways to steal us from trusting our GREAT GOD. God's promises are true. It will never be broken. When God says He will provide and give us everything that we ask for, He will surely do. It's just a matter of time and faith. But if ever He didn't grant our prayers, then be thankful because God has a better plan for us. He will give something far better than we're asking for so STOP worrying! Learn to trust and obey God wholly and do our part as His faithful and obedient children.
Thank you Lord for Your word. I badly need this.
woot~ I must stop worrying about my grades. Pasado na ako! WAHAHAHA! ooppss.. of course I must do my part. wokay. STUDY na ;)
“Love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8, NASB
Have you ever heard anyone gossip about someone you know? . . . What do you have to say?
Here is what love says: Love says nothing. Love stays silent. “Love covers a multitude of sins.” Love doesn’t expose. It doesn’t gossip. If love says anything, love speaks words of defense. Words of kindness. Words of protection.
No Strings Attached
By Max Lucado
“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8 NIV
When we love with expectations, we say, “I love you. But I’ll love you more if . . .”
Christ’s love had none of this. No strings, no expectations, no hidden agendas, no secrets. His love for us was, and is, up front and clear. “I love you,” he says. “Even if you let me down. I love you in spite of your failures.”
God So Loved Us
By Max Lucado
“If God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” 1 John 4:11, NKJV
Jesus humbled himself. He went from commanding angels to sleeping in the straw. From holding stars to clutching Mary’s finger. The palm that held the universe took the nail of a soldier.
Why? Because that’s what love does. It puts the beloved before itself.
A Pure Heart
By Max Lucado
“May the Lord lead your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s patience.” 2 Thessalonians 3:5
The majority is not always right. If the majority had ruled, the children of Israel never would have left Egypt. They would have voted to stay in bondage. If the majority had ruled, David never would have fought Goliath. His brothers would have voted for him to stay with the sheep. What’s the point? You must listen to your own heart.
God says you’re on your way to becoming a disciple when you can keep a clear head and a pure heart.
Wonderful Comfort
By Max Lucado
“What a wonderful God we have . . . who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us.” 2 Corinthians 1:3, TLB
Encourage those who are struggling. Don’t know what to say? Then open your Bible . . .
To the grief stricken: “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Heb. 13:5 NIV)
To the guilt-ridden: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1 NIV).
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Lord, thank you for Your love. I pray that You teach me how to love like You have loved me. Teach me how to forgive like You have forgiven all my sins. And most of all, teach me how to forget and to start a new life again.. with You.. only You.. Comfort me with Your loving arms. Wipe away my every tear with Your healing hands.. Mend my broken soul with Your everlasting love.
originally written on June 18, 2011 from my veeeerryyy long unpublished note
...sometimes i think that everybody in this world is a liar. i live in a world full of lies. there's nothing true except God. there's no one who could love except God and we learn how to love because of Him, because we feel how majestic His love is for us even though we're not worthy of such love. He loves us even though we're sinners. He loves us even before we're actually born. if i have been loved by such a GREAT GOD, who am i? do you know what He replied?
"daughter, you are MINE"
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." - 1 John 3:1
God is everywhere. the reason why we don't see and feel Him is because we don't make efforts to find Him. it's just like playing hide-and-seek. how could you find someone if you don't look for him, right? God already did His part. He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to save us from the fiery fire of hell and whoever believes on Him will have eternal life (see John 3:16). did you ever ask yourself how God could care for someone like us? God made us all and in fact He could also kill us anytime but He didn't. He could all force us to worship Him but He didn't. why? because He simply LOVES us. He gave us freedom.
that's TRUE love.
you can never force it or demand it. you simply just have to show it to that person whom you truly love because you have something special to give and you choose that person to give your SPECIAL something.
Jesus Christ is so SPECIAL but God gave HIM, His SON, for us, for sinners like us. we just have to RECEIVE that SPECIAL gift which is the greatest manifestation of LOVE.
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Lord, i know that You control everything and You love us so much. please help those people in need. calm the storm and prevent the killing flood.
(This time, let me be just as I am. Let me express myself because I too feel of these emotions, but that’s not the issue. I just want my fellow youth to know that I too experience this but I rather look to God than meditate in these feelings. Because today, we are made for battles to win and there are some things that should just have to wait. Thank you.)
(This poem is written by PRINCE OBED de la CRUZ. To use it in a proper manner, please email him at princeobed_dc@yahoo.com with the subject “PERMISSION TO USE”)
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i super love this poem :))
thank you Lord for the life of Mr. Obed Dela Cruz.
I was standing on a street corner in a city, but it was unlike any city I could have ever imagined. The moon was black and the sky was ruby-red. The air stank. It adhered to the inside of my nostrils. I can’t breathe properly. The trees were twisted, deformed with horrible faces imprinted in the pestiferous bark. All of the grass as well as the foliage in the trees were not the expected green but instead sickly off-yellow. The fountain gushed blood. I looked down and saw the sidewalk flecked with bone fragments and teeth. A man walked beside me carrying a severed head on a stick. Fear and partial insanity compelled me to run but all I could do was to stare. My body was limp.
“I can’t believe this. It’s not real, right?” I was starting to panic.
“Oh come on, stop fooling yourself.” the severed head smiled at me.
“Oh my god, this is not real. This is not real. I’m dreaming.” My tears were insistent.
“I’m sorry but you’re damned like me.”
By now, it was occurring to me that myths, legends, angels and demons are true. Shit.
“You know what, you’ll enjoy it here someday.”
“No, I won’t. I wanna go back.” I looked around. There was a green-faced demon boy who sat on the field grinning at me. He was holding something that looked like a girl’s hand. Yes, oh my god. It was a girl’s hand. He was gnawing ravenously on it like a fried chicken. It had been consumed to the bone.
He smirked at me, “you can’t go back, dear. This is your home now.”
I walked ahead of him. I thought of calling out my father but I knew it would be nonsense. No one could hear me from the living world. I chose this. I’m in hell. I’m doomed.
“Errrmm, hey wait, I’m just curious. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing here? I mean, in your time, you should know about this place, right? Christians are scattered everywhere preaching about heaven and hell, angels and demons, stuff like that.”
“I didn’t believe in God, nor in the Devil but I knew that suicide was universally considered a sin, a grievous sin. I never listened to them. Now, I’m here to find him.”
I left the man with his severed head and continued walking. I passed by a brick church with inverted cross hanging on the altar. I had no idea where to find him. All I had found instead was more horror, more exploitation, sadism, cruelty and death.
Hell is a city. It stretches without end. Like any other cities, there are people living in this city. Oh crap, not living, they’re dying. They live, die and live again. They kill each other. Here, everyone is dead yet everyone lives forever.
It was mortifying. I looked away. I couldn’t witness any more of this but then, I still need to find him.
“What are you doing here?”
The voice paralyzed me. I hadn’t heard it in so long but I recognized it at once. I prepared myself for some new vision of disgust and degradation but what I actually saw was worse than I could have imagined. The face of my most beloved man turned to look at me. His arms and legs had been removed. His head lolled on the floor. I turned away. I couldn’t bear it.
“Damn it, Samantha! What the hell are you doing here?!” His voice was filled with anger, anguish, and spite.
“I’m here for you!” I still can’t look at him.
“What do you think you’re doing?! Huh?! Damn it, damn it!” he tried to project his rage but it never got out. He was so weak.
“You killed yourself? To find me here? Now that you did, can you look at me? Can you bear this pain? Fuck it. I sacrificed myself for you. I want you to…”
“I can’t live without you! You’re a part of me. I’m a part of you. We promised to be together forever, didn’t we? You shouldn’t have let yourself killed! You shouldn’t have saved me! I should have died with you! It was my fault why you’re suffering here.” I sobbed.
“But baby, you don’t understand. I saved you simply because I want you to live.”
The memory of his death began to hunt me again. It was raining hard. I can’t see clearly. Everything was vague. We were drenched in water and were feeling so cold and sick. We were running so fast. The smell of gas, dust and smoke was choking me. The street sounds were deafening but my mind was still intact. I knew we were running for life. He held my hand so tightly. I felt safe yet death was lurking behind us. Death had stolen him. He took the bullet that should have been mine.
“I love you.” It was indeed useless. Love doesn’t exist in this place. The clock towers have no hands. Time is not measured here in hours but in anguish and hopelessness.
“This is how I will spend eternity. I’m condemned to hell because of my own fault. I didn’t believe in God. Please don’t waste your chance to live again. I can’t be with you all the time. You must start living your own life without me. There are things that we can never change.”
“But,” I held my breath.
“Listen to me. If you really love me, then you wouldn’t let yourself do the same mistake I had. Heaven and hell do exist. It’s my destiny and it’s no fun being here. It would hurt more to see you here with me. Samantha, please, go back. You’re not yet dead. Hold on. Please, hold on…” his eyes beseeched me.
More uselessness, I knelt down and sobbed. My fingers touched his face so gently for the last time. This was the face I used to kiss, the face I fell in love with, the face of the man whom I will love forever. I stood up and turned one last time to him. He was smiling. I stood beside the cliff that separates Heaven from Hell. There was radiant light on the other side and I could see Earth on the bottom of the cliff.
“I love you, Samantha.” and that’s when I jumped out of hell.
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this is my story. my infernal love story. lol. joke.
I wrote this story for my Creative Writing subject :)
The kitchen was beginning to please her. Ella stood back from the sink for a moment and took a look around. As soon as she got it clean, it would be a great kitchen; a shiny, wooden dining table, plenty of counter space bathed in light from the glass window over the sink, shimmering white tiles, enough cupboards for her food. It was the largest room in the house and obviously intended to be the focal point of life there.
She opened the door to the woodshed. It was chilly yet comforting. She found a pile of split oak and poplar. Someone had done a pretty good job for weather like this. There was a sharp axe in the woodshed should she need some more kindling. She brought some woods to the stove, made herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table to consider what still remained unfinished. The bathroom was clean, the living room too and now, the kitchen was done. That left the bedrooms and if she bothered, the attic.
The house, according to the agent was over a hundred years old. The beams had shown. They were massive yet made lovely out of some expensive dark wood that lasts for ages. The living room was spacious enough. There were comfortable ornate couches, a hearth made of red bricks, a glass table with a vase filled with freshly picked red roses and a crystal chandelier that enlivened the first room of the antique house. Ella was satisfied. It was her dream house – a vintage bungalow-style home.
From the living room, there was a hallway leading to the 3 bedrooms. It was spooky walking in there since she hadn’t bought fluorescent lights yet. What added to the spooky feeling was its vaguely musty smell that was present nowhere else in the house. It wasn’t terribly comfortable. One by one she carried the creaky chairs outside and beat the dust out of the cushions. In a way, she was beginning to have a sense that this was really hers, now that she had rescued it from its patina of dust and grime. In three days, she’d receive her salary and finally be able to pay the remaining half of the house’s cost. The agent had to agree to let her live there for two days to make sure if she really wanted to buy it and live there for the rest of her life.
Now, it was time to visit the attic. She started up the stairs and opened the door. It creaked, naturally, but seemed safe enough. The place was a mess. Few hangers were scattered around the sandy floor. There were an old mattress with nauseating particles creeping on top of it, a heavy old dresser with most of its drawers missing and unexpectedly enough, a second door. She pulled the doorknob. It was locked. She groped for the keys in her pocket then tried them all to open the door. Nothing happened. It was still locked. The agent hadn’t given her the key for this door. Anyway, maybe there was nothing important inside. Maybe it was just a storage room or a panic room? A panic room with a swollen, dilapidated door? Yeah, right. Before turning her back, she noticed a peephole. What are you going to do with a peephole? She looked through it. Nothing. She saw nothing but red. The color red. Bloody red.
“Madam, just a random question. Do you believe in ghosts?” She remembered the agent had asked her the first time she saw the house.
“Nope. I don’t. If you’re telling me that this house is being haunted by ghosts, well I tell you, I’d buy this as soon as possible.” She snickered at the dire face of the agent.
“That’s good to hear, madam. Well anyway, I just heard that the last owner of the house stabbed her eyes to death.”
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OMG. I'm having goose bumps while finishing this story.. Grr.. How would I sleep with the lights off now? O.o
The smell of sweet rose is what I miss. Your pink cheeks and red lips, now, I do not see. The smooth waves of your hair like silk are gone. The glow from your brown eyes turned dull. I see much face, few that I know. White and black, no pink and red, save the red rose on your bed. You are my all but you left me in woe. I oft cry at night to see you sleep and now that you are, my tears won’t stop. Can’t breathe, I drown in grief. Wait for me in the crypt.
