I am Micah Elein. It's the first and only fact you can know about me because I'm mysterious. No one can know and understand me completely because I have many personalities to begin with and that they differ depending on the person I am with. There are only some who meets my life's clandestinity because I tend to hide my true feelings, my true emotions, and my true self from others, afraid that people will look down on me whenever they got the chance to take a glimpse of what is truly inside my mind and my heart. Ambivalence lies within me in a way that one person will be confused to grasp my mood. That's why I am also confused with myself. What I am doing in my life now is that I am looking for myself, for the real me because it seems that I'm always skeptic with my feelings every now and then and with that, I don't know what's real anymore.
I love any kind of adventure. I am open to new experiences. Frequently, my curiosity causes mistakes; however, I never regret doing such because I try to look at its better angle. But sometimes, a mistake can hurt terribly and can push me into the brink of depression if I am not cautious enough to guard my heart. If I fell, I only hope I could clean up the mess I made to avoid petty remarks.
I know several ideas on how to live my life in a good way, in a Godly way, in a way that I could please everyone around me but the worst thing is that they seem impossible for me to attain. That is because I'm easily falling in the darkness of sweet enticements. It is not right to take the chance but what will I lose anyway? It's better to taste it than never. At least, I'll know how it feel. But I was wrong. I'm always wrong. So, I lost myself.
I want someone beside me, someone who is real, someone who could wipe my tears, share the pain with me, and hold me until there are no tears left, but how could I have that someone if I couldn't even find myself? I may hurt that someone or myself even more. It's so much paining to admit it but this is the truth, I've always wanted to cry on someone's shoulder who wouldn't make promises to love me, to care for me, and to never leave me because all I need is someone who would do them but unfortunately, no one could. No one will ever do.
I am in absolute ambiguity...
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go." - anonymous
