Let Your will be done. Kahit masakit. Smile lang :)

Pero masakit talaga. I'm controlling myself not to break down and cry. Really. Because it's not worth it. Mahirap akong paiyakin. And I don't cry just because I'm hurt. Pinipili ko kung ano ang iiyakan ko. Mahal kaya luha ko lol. Haha. But seriously, I don't want to talk to anyone about this. Even my parents, I don't tell them anything. Gusto kong sarilihin. Kaya ito, I'm blogging whatever comes to my mind. So apparently, I'm just talking to myself and transcribing it. LOL. I'm not crazy. I'm just not that open to anyone anymore. I don't know. Maybe I don't want them to feel sorry for me even if they don't show it. I don't want them to pity me because I don't deserve it. I'm blessed. He's just teaching me how to be content with what I have. He gives me blessings and He takes them back if He wills. 

Hindi ko alam. Susuko na ba ako? I've fought a good fight. I've been fair enough. I don't know if he has been fair to me too. I refuse to compare myself to others who also experienced his 'game' or 'trip'. I'll just get more disappointed and angry. I can't live with anger. Mabigat eh. I want to live peacefully with everybody. Kaya kahit na masakit talaga at masama loob ko, pipilitin kong maging okay. I'll focus on the blessings I have and not on that thing that He took back. It was my fault in the first place so I don't have the right to question Him. Really. 

It was my fault. If only I've been faithful and good enough, this would not happen. But there will always be second chances. I may not receive what I should have received but I believe He has something better for me. Maybe not now but in the future. I just have to endure this present heartache and move on. Life goes on. Do what is right. I should not stumble again. Nothing's easy. Be consistent. Please, Elein. Don't waste your time anymore. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi. You know better.  You've been here before.