Part Of Me

There are times when you want to hate life or to hate yourself in particular but you just can't. Why? Because there are more reasons to be happy than to indulge yourself in unpleasant thoughts and upsetting episodes in life . Your friends ask you what happened because they feel something's not going right with you and you just tell them that yes, you're not feeling good and you just can't think of the right words to explain what's bothering you inside because even you don't want to face and talk about it. The worst thing is even the person you trust the most can't understand you the way you want to be understood. So what? You sit down and shut your mouth. Then again someone will ask what the hell is wrong with you and you'd agree to me that hearing that question again and again will make things worse. So yeah, you pretend to be fine to avoid being asked what's wrong with you?

Even the most loyal one can fall into something he/she promised he/she'd never do...

Overwhelmed with guilt and regrets, I hate myself for being someone I swore not to be. But being in that situation I understand how people can do the same and maybe, they also experienced what I felt or rather what I felt to be someone I disliked. Whatever I say, I can't justify what I did yet I opened my eyes to see the true reason behind such act. Well, only in my case... What I have is not legitimate.

I miss being committed to someone. I miss those mornings when I wake up and think of the person who completes my day. I miss the feeling of having someone behind my back to catch me when I don't have the strength to move on with my life. I miss having someone to care for, someone to be with during the best and worst times of the day, someone I truly love. Like him.

I miss him.

But I don't want to miss loving him.

Because I hate to feel the pain again...

The pain of loving him too much.

Though I try, I can't deny.

He's still a part of me that I just can't take away.