I heard my office mate crying and I actually saw that she was really crying. Her red, puffy eyes made it more obvious. I wanted so bad to ask her if she's fine but I was so shy. But I swear, giving her something like a cup of water or offering her a tissue roll crossed my mind and bothered me twice or thrice. But. I. Was. Shy. How could I be so timid about doing something good to others?

It felt bad. Really. I could see the misery through her eyes and from her silent sobs. It was heartfelt. But considering that what I'm feeling right now is more than enough to overwhelm me, I could not sympathize with her. She is just strong and bold to face whatever it is that pains her and I am not.

It might be an emotional tug-of-war that I feel for you. I like you but no, I should not like you.

I get over sensitive when it comes to you, especially when you tease me. It's different from everyone else. I can't understand why. Maybe because I'm too conscious of what you think of me, too conscious that I might say and do something wrong that might turn you off. I'm not sure. I'm not trying to please you. Maybe, I do. But no, I just do the wrong things. I can't control it. There's just something about your words, something about your actions that is so hard for me to read. Why are you so reserved? It's like you're hiding something and it frustrates me. 

It's vague. Whatever this is that I'm feeling for you, it's vague. 

*sigh*

"Can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if I have to..."

May 1, 2013

I notice every little thing you do
I hear you whisper
I hear you mutter,
And because I don't understand a bit of it,
I love it when I try so hard to make you say it again
And then I hear you giggle
That voice, that laugh, they stick in my mind

I listen to every word you say,
to every note you try to hit,
to every song you faintly sing,
when you think no one's listening
But when you're around,
I just do the wrong things
And say the wrong words

I'm not really sure why I'm doing this
All I know is that I want to be a part of it
A part of something that makes you smile
Something that is important to you
Something worth your while
Because without it, I don't know
Maybe I don't matter anymore

I climbed my own wall
And fell on the other side
I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said
It's just that I refuse to admit what I truly feel
And I'd try to hide it every time
Every time you see me smile
Every time you make me blush

I'm sorry I don't know what to do
I can't take it any longer
Just don't get any closer
Even though I want you around
I just don't think it's right enough
It's not right enough to want you so bad
And I hate myself for wanting you so bad

I convince myself not to fall
But you're too damn irresistible
I know this is insane
But please, don't change
I don't know how to do this
But just stay where you are
And don't you ever go away

Don't you ever go away...

April 29, 2013

Would it matter if I stay away for a while?

Would you mind if I cry and you're the reason why?

'Coz every time I close my eyes I see your face

And I remember every speck of feelings that broke my heart

Cut Me Loose

April 25, 2013

During my OJT hours, I composed this song.
----------------------------------

Please don't make it hard for me
I just want to know you better than anyone else
I know I have a long, long way to go
But I don't, I don't mind spending time

When it seems like I don't listen to whatever you say
I don't mean to be disrespectful
It's just that your eyes seem so deep
I can stare just for a while, just for a while and look away

Cut me loose, don't let me fall
I wanted you more, of that I'm sure
All the days we spent just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you
Cut me loose, don't let me fall
I wanted you more, of that I'm sure
All the days we spend just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you

Everyday you cross my mind
I won't last a day without even saying 'hi'
Forgive me if I steal your precious time
But those I'll cherish though they aren't truly mine

I wanted you more, I realized I wanted you more
But I guess it's not the way it should be
It's just that your eyes seem so deep
And I drowned for the first time, from then on I was swept away

Cut me loose, don't let me fall
I wanted you more, of that I'm sure
All the days we spent just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you
Cut me loose, don't let me fall
I wanted you more, of that I'm sure
All the days we spent just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you
Even if it's too late, just cut me loose

But hey, I changed my mind
Cut me loose and I'll keep coming back
Back to where I found you
Back to how we have started
We started as friends
And that's all we'll ever be
Nothing more...

Cut me loose, don't let me fall
I wanted you more, of that I'm sure
All the days we spent just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you
Cut me loose, don't let me fall
I wanted you more, of that I'm sure
All the days we spent just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you

All the days we spent just talking
Cut the chains that hold me close to you
Even if it's too late, just cut me loose

Cut me loose...
Just cut me loose...
------------------------------------
This song is originally mine. 
Random song. I just felt like writing and singing it =))))))))))))))
Oh it took me monthsss to compose again.
Thanks to my little brother who helped me find the right chords in the guitar 

Unfinished Song

April 9, 2013

-------------------

It feels wrong

It feels right

I can't decide

All I know is I'm happy

When you're around

When I hear your voice

See you laugh

And every time I wait

For your texts late at night

I can't help but smile

I'm falling for you

And it ain't right

It hurts and I blame myself

Please don't go, just stay where you are

Though I know we can't be together

Though I know this won't last forever

It's okay, it's okay

You're just a phone call away

---------------------

don't know how to end this song.

maybe i should just leave it undone. 

It wasn't the night I expected to be. Leaning on the table, cupping my chin, I stared blankly at the hosts on the stage as they call volunteers for the game. The crowd was talking and laughing simultaneously. Being a music lover and an introvert, I don't enjoy such noise. That time I've proven myself right that it's a waste of time to go to such places if not for my friends and my beloved org. One of the hosts tried to volunteer me but I refused.  I don't want much attention so I stayed in my place, looked around and suddenly I saw you. It was like magic. Things made sense why you were there. Maybe to paint bright the dullness of the night and be mine even just for a moment. I didn't bother trying to hide my eyes from you. I looked and stared until you noticed my eyes glued on you but I looked away when you stared back. I strode to the bar to get a drink with my best friend. A minute or so, you were already beside me.

This was our first moment together. I cherished this for a week. Wishing to see you again, wanting your lips on mine, I thought it was magic.

I thought it was magic...

Not until I noticed this angel just standing beside me...